It hasn't been the best of weeks for me, I had Jess home sick on Thursday and Friday, Leo has been working so much and I have been having trouble with my depression.
My word - Life - I am trying to enjoy it! But some days I wake up and want to find a rock and crawl under it, I hate that something like this can be so controlling over my life - admittedly I am so completely different from who I was at my lowest and when I think back to those awful dark days I love Leo even so much more - I was the ultimate monster! But he stood by me and reached down and grab me when I thought I was going to float away. My biggest regret is the impact depression made on Ashleigh's younger years, its easy to wonder what kind of kid would she have been if I hadn't made her life so difficult. I was initially diagnosed with postpartum depression after Jessica was born but it dragged on to long and was to harsh so my GP and my therapist discussed my case history and I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, (they blamed the difficult birth I had had 2 years previous with my son) It was made that bit worse by a family history of clinical depression - I spent the next 5 years on one form of medication after another, I lost contact with friends, I drifted away from people - its to hard to explain whats going on in your head.
I have been medication free for a year - its been fabulous - I wont say its been easy - it hasnt - but for 95% of the time its been just fine - but a learning curve - learning to enjoy life again. I am taking steps to appreciate all the little things and let them build into the big thing - that makes up my life!
I have done some scrap'n - that is truly a wonderful therapy - so relaxing and expresses who I am. I love the layout of Leo and Brooke - we call him Chiefy - he thought I could be Squaw!!!??? I love Nan Jules my friends at SE have nicknamed me!!
These 2 layouts are challenges for SE
And this gorgeous page was sent to me by Kelly - I was so chuffed to get this!!
My lovely friend Michelle has done a couple of layouts as well and presented them to me - but my scanner wouldn't scan them to justice so click on her name to go see...
This is how you know you are cared for!
Hannah - if you read this - I made your lasagna recipe tonight - it was a hit!! The kids loved it and didn't even realise they were eating zucchini - LOL!!Now I'm off - I've got blogs to read, emails to answer, blog links to update and an invitation to fine tune (more on that one later!!)
7 comments:
I just read your latest post,you are an inspiration, it's wonderful that you are comfortable with sharing your experiences with depression as so many aren't. I have been there with the dreaded "D" word, but it effects me only from time to time these days. Keep up the scrapping, I agree it's great therapy! :)
Thanks Rochelle, I think to many people hide it and never heal. I hope you have overcome it - its not fun or easy. Part of the healing for me was talking about it - LOL - now I dont stop....
What an honest and heartfelt post, Julie. I commend you for being brave enough to share your story. It made me cry, because I've been there myself. I had bad PND with both my boys and was on antidepressants for a year each time. Although I feel like I've conquered those demons, I will never forget the feelings, thoughts and emotions I experienced during those times. I kept a journal and it is sometimes heartbreaking to read back on it, even though it is great to see my progress. I agree that talking about it is a HUGE part of the healing process. And it is great that people in general are becoming so much more aware of mental illness and much more understanding. The stigma doesn't seem to be there to the same extent as it once was. I hope that talking and writing on your blog will help you to get over this wee hurdle, too.
I also wanted to say how much I LOVE those layouts!! They are stunning. And the one Kelly made for you is just gorgeous, what a special gift :-)
Julie - I can't say I have known any women who suffer with depression outside of PND. It's interesting reading your post though. My DH suffers from depression and it's been an ongoing battle in this family for nearly 5 years. Some days I can't cope. I don't know how people living with a person with depression does cope. Many days I wonder why I stay and put myself through this mess. Because he isn't fun to live with. It breaks my heart to say it but he's not. I am extremely cautious of the things I say or any confrontations. I hate living my life this way. He is on meds but every day is still a battle. Mood swings, sleeping, complaining, self loathing. It doesn't go away. Some how is life is more important than mine or the kids. I dont' know. It's hard for me cause I do see the flip side of what you live. Hopefully putting a voice to things here will help others see how you manage it. It's nice to read you are pro-active with it, Julie. Hang in there. Beautiful layouts too! And loved the ones Michelle did for you :)
Wow that post was straight from the soul. You've got a network of friends ... and if you need to talk you know where I am ...
I totally forgot to say ... I'm so glad the lasagne recipe was a hit! Seems like lots of people are eating veggies without knowing it these days, LOL!;-)
took a lot of courage to write that post. People seem to attach a stigma to things they don't understand.
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